I have mentioned this previously in another post (I don't remember which one. Please don't ask me. Just look for yourself.) I don't get homesick often. It's not something that happens when I wake up one day and feel homesick. It's mostly caused by an event that launches me into a long homesickness event. I would like to share with you the last (aka current) homesick situation.
My partner and I were fighting the other day. It is a completely normal thing to do to keep the relationship spicy and on its toes. He's amazing and it's just something that happens. Don't come at him. Anyway, I was crying and I was alone for a little while, just gathering myself up after the fight happened. The only thing that I wanted was the kind of freedom that I had when I was in the States, specifically when I lived in Arlington Texas.
I was sitting on my bed (In Bradford) and the window in the room opened up to show the entirety of the city of Bradford and faces the city center. On this particular day, it was beautifully sunny and nice and cool 55 degrees Fahrenheit. It was perfect weather to go on a walk or go to the park and relax. In the UK, a bunch of people find this kind of weather still cold. I always felt like the 50-70 degrees were the best kind of weather. In Texas, I think it always depended on how the sun was shining and if there was wind. I always found 55 chilly if the wind was blowing and perfect if there was hardly any wind and the UV rays were good.
On days like this back in Arlington, when I felt sad, I would jump in my car, roll the windows down, and blast some music. I would drive to the closest Sonic I could find. I would get a Diet Coke or a Dr. Pepper and add a splash of vanilla to it. I would then just drive around all day, in the city to see the people walking around and enjoying the day. I would then drive around the countryside, the bordering towns from country and city, I would see land, cows, long horns, and sheep. I would sing my lungs out of my body, taking my loneliness with them. I would come back to my house with a Whataburger cheeseburger and fries where I would then watch a TV show in bed or call a friend.
I don't have that kind of freedom in the UK. I don't have a car. I no longer can just hop in a car and drive around and around. Nor do I want to drive in this city. I could hop on a train but the wind in my hair and screaming at songs is not an option anymore. There is, unfortunately, no Sonic in the United Kingdom which means that no longer are those days where I could just add different flavors to different drinks and pretend that I came up with this newly invented drink. I no longer have Whataburger cheeseburgers that I can come home to. I can still call my friends, but I have to consider the time zones and differences. If I called them right now where I am, it would still be very early in the morning for them. I would need to wait until the end of my day to express my sadness and anger of the day.
Sure, I have other things that take the place of many of these things. I can take a train quickly to travel around this beautiful country and still get writing or reading done instead of focusing on only driving. Sure, there are different drinks that may be more exciting than adding different flavors into them and the chocolate is better in the UK than in the States. Sure, I no longer have the option for a cheeseburger that satisfies the soul but I have better pizza here and better beer here that I can curb those things. Though I can't call my friends in the States immediately when something happens, I can call my friends in the UK who prove that they are always there for me as well.
Though I have a UK alternative to all these things, It makes me miss those moments and those things that I grew up with, those things that helped build me into the person that I am. That's the worst thing about homesickness. It is not the fact that I can't have those things at that moment. It is possible that they will no longer satisfy me in the same way that they used to. It is not just that I'm homesick for those things that I enjoyed but I'm home sick of who I used to be. I'm home sick of how it used to be.